soo, it's been a few....months.....

heh, my bad.

so nothing's really happened. i managed to grab a job, school started, and all the torture began.

my sisters's getting married on august 11th, and my brother tariq is going with me.

i got to talk to my brother nick once again, it had been a while i think.

me and crystal went through some hard stuff.

billy and his dad hit a cow on their way to church on wed.

and i'm not allowed to talk to my friend tim for about three months now... whooty dooty.

i think that's everything that's happened.

not that much has been missed. it appears that dragid is becoming increasingly less loved.

i got a live space...which is the one thing mom's actually okay with (PCHAH!).

i made honor roll for first semester at school...

i've decided i want to go into culinary arts for my career.

Thanksgiving is in six days, and December 1st is in two weeks...from today. In one week, i will be putting up Christmas decorations...i can't wait.

my friends who's house burned down like 8-9 months ago should be moving into their new house hopefully this weekend. was that a run-on, or is it just me?

in 35 minutes i must resume making peanut butter and jelly cookies.

on Nov 26th i'm feeding homeless people

on Dec 6th my yg is putting together cookie platters for shut in's.

tomorrow me and my sister go shopping with some lady's from the church. hopefully my paycheck will have been cashed by then.

oh yeah, and school got canceled today. I'm a pretty happy camper....i guess.

that's it for another 5-6 months...

hasta luego amigos...

ahh, and it's the fourth of july.

happy fourth of july!!!

today, we have about 10-11 people coming over. not many, but enough to have a fun time.

today crystal get's done with school. finally. we're hoping to get together sometime this week.

billy and his family are coming over today (yeah buddy!!!)... i miss them imensly.

then my aunt and uncle are coming over, they're bringing gus(dog). he's a cutie.

and my grandparents and my aunt are going to be here as well.

oh, and billy's uncle might be coming... who cares. I'TS BILLY!!!

anywho. my sister might be living at my grandparents house this coming school year . my mom can't handle the stress of cleo and my dad fighting allll the time. so we're pretty much kicking her out. not fun, but colleen will be happy.

speaking of my grandparents. i'm on their pc. it's slow. and old. old as dirt. well, not quite. our DSL isn't working. but theirs is, so it's gotta be our receiver.

back to today. we have fireworks and sparklers for tonight. so i hope it won't continue raining. i'm betting billy and bobby will try to light eachother on fire . it should be fun, and funny.

none the less, i should go, even tho i have nowhere to be. but still.

later

lately, in my house, fighting. like crazy. not fun. so here's how it goes:

rob vs mom & dad

mom vs colleen

dad vs colleen & rob

rob vs dad

mom vs rob

and the list goes on. it's not that great.

and somehow, rob has managed to make my mom feel like she can't do what she wants in her own house when rob is here. it's rather sad.

but none the less, i have somewhat decent things to talk about.

i talked to nick a few days ago. not for very long tho.   he's still the same old cool nick. which is good. very very good.

i downloaded the latest and greatest smilies. they're wicked. and cute. lol.

ummm, people have this new hobby, they like to call while i'm sleeping. so every single morning, someone calls and wakes me up at around 9 or 10. today it was crystal, yesterday it was billy.

fun

fun

fun.

the most exciting thing i've done today is take a shower and have coffee. amazing i know.

and when i get done with this i plan to go clean some things, do some laundry, etc. it will be great fun, i assure you....

i'm still very sleepy.   yes yes, sleep sleep sleep.

anywho, i'm, just, bored.

and i can't think of anything else to write about.

except i will hopefully see crystal soon, and see billy in about two weeks. i hope. his family might be coming down for the fourth of july. it should be wicked. he's gonna teach me some stuff on my skateboard, and i'm going to show him my bass and my acoustic. it will be great fun.

well, i'm off to do my wonderful chores.

later

soooo.

it's been, an odd week thusfar.

this time, my friend becca called at the unearthly hours to wake me up. BLAAAH!

buttttt,

meds:

i hate them. they are little plastic containers with dust that's supposed to make you feel better.  doesn't work for me. i can't tell if i'm any diff, but i still feel like crap inside. so it can't be doing that much. idk

boys:

confusing.  idk. they just are. meh.

parents:

think the meds are helping.  haha, YEAH RIGHT! but whatever. only like one more month until i can get off them. i refuse to take more depression meds after this. if it's for ADD or something like that, then fine, i'll try it. but no more prozac or whatever.

so that's the details of my sad little life for now.

now, just to ramble.

i still don't feel much better. but, oh well. life goes on. yeaaaaah. not much happenin in my world.

i need sleep.

lately things have been weird.

i feel like crap, i look like crap, everything's just basically crap.

i have fully convinced myself within the last week, that i am worth nothing. so i've been depressed. and i got this whole thing from alecia about being wonderful and amazing, blah blah blah. i dont believe it.

so things have been headed on the down part of the hill. if that makes sense.

i have also learned that most people hate me, for who i am. which makes me feel worse. if that's possible. so i get frustrated with myself over the tiniest things and i'm already on the edge.

i'm just, idk, sick of alotta stuff right now. and no one really knows any of this. which really sucks. but i guess it's actually kinda good. idk. who cares.

later days...

idk if that's gonna work. it almost looks like it won't. but oh well.

http://123icons.com/icon/4073.html

that might tho.

anywho. just updating for the sake of doing something somewhat amusing.

today rob woke me up. yeah, i mean who calls at 9:45 in the morning!?!

sadly, me and cleo having no life, are watching flight of the navigator. like you know, the 80's movie. it's stupid. but oh well.

it's kinda funny though. lol. i guess.

anyways, this is really random.

he's gonna get abducted soon. there's the lights. here it comes.

oh yeah, sry. you don't need frame by frame. haha.

but yesterday i finished finals. so i have no school today or tomorrow, and a half day friday. then i'm going shopping with rebecca, tariq and one or two of his crazy friends.

so, anyways, i think i'll wrap this stupid blog up and let you all get back to your interesting lives.

ttyl 

sooo. there's alot goin on right now.... i guess.

and sry it's been so looong. finals are coming and this is the last quarter so i have to work my butt off and pull my grades up to spectacular.

onto other things.

well, yesterday i found out my counselor is moving to hawaii in 4 weeks.

i don't think my sister will take that well.... at all.

so that sucks.

my friend nick is permanently kicked out of his house. and i won't get to talk to him till next week.

sucky.

other things would be:

finals

report cards

summer

florida

new jersey

possible summer internship at a law firm

and i think that's it.

so yeah, much on my mind right now. yeah. lots.

and sry once again for not writing for such a long time.

just feelin useless and pissy today. idk. i miss crystal. as we all know. idk

just useless...........

so anywho. today i have a history test. bleh. and a vocab test. which studying soooo freakin much. eh..... then my week is over and i so cannot wait!!!

i miss billy and crystal like heck. i really miss them tons...

i got to talk to my friend maria yesterday. i haven't talked to her/seen her since 6th grade (2 yrs ago). idk, that's way to long to not talk to her.

idk   i just don't know anymore...

kyle and cory have made it to my blog once again. sucky, ain't it? anywho. on friday i found out that they're drug dealers now!!! stupid....so me, meg, and ty all went to talk to mr.k. that was the stupidest thing to do in the world. stupid head thinks he can't do anything about it cause he doesn't have proof. wake up man, drugs are freakin illegal! idk, i'm just sick of him not doing crap about anything. and then meg, ty, and maggie all talked to isaac and he's gonna ask cory and kyle for some marijuana or whatever. and then in english rebecca sat in front of kyle (who was in front of cory) and talked to them a lil. so meg and ty blow up. and ty tells maggie that rebecca told kyle and cory about isaac asking for drugs. i mean, they did not hear a word she said to kyle or cory. i'm sooo pissed off about that. it's almost like they blame her for just about everything that goes wrong with their little "plans", but you would think they'd realize it's really them...

advice???

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www.myspace.com/smidge92

xanga:

www.xanga.com/sodaaddict05

i hate kyle and cory sooo much. ok, here's how it went. ty and cory ride the same bus...

tyisha: erin's been doin alot better now that she doesn't hang around with you guys.

cory: yeah she's been hangin out with you guys alot. we'd let her hang out with us again. but we'd throw her a few stones and tell her to go fetch.

ty: you know what you just called her right?

cory: yeah.

i hate them. ugh. idk, i'm just sick of it. any advice. my friend doesn't go to our school anymore (his name is nick), but he said he'll be there on graduation day and he'll beat them up for me. and he's gonna burn mr. lonely for me.

nick's just plain cool.

ttyl.

if you gots any advice, i could really use it.

anywho. so i saw billy on saturday. for the first time in like two months. and i met tiffany. finally. so that was cool.

and i went to church sunday.... bleh. it was cool, i got to see leecie.

then we got home and my dad yelled at my sister.

 ................it sucked......................

so i then spent most of my day in my room.... and my dad told me i better not ever pull a stunt like that.

save me. what "stunt"??? it's not like she drove his car off the steeple. gosh. it just bugged me. it's like he thinks i'm her mini me. if i'm going to pull a "stunt", it'll be my own.

so kiss my butt.

anywho. so today was just weird.....

and yesterday.... wow....

i was in my room and i was just bein stupid. and it was fun. i had my radio so freakin loud. and i was just bouncin around. i loved it. no one ever told me you can be stupid and have the time of you life. i think that's the most friend i ever had by myself..... in a long long time.

it was just cool

so all together, my weekend had its ups and downs. but in the end, it all works out. and it's just plain cool that way.....

*my friends are the best. there is none better*

^^^^

that's for all the cool people....

the one's who help me thru so much.......

"something just isn't right

i can feel it inside

the truth isn't far behind me

you can't deny

when i turn the lights out

when i close my eyes

reality overcomes me

i'm living a lie"

this is me lately. it really sucks. i'm such a frigin liar right now. i'm cuttin again (less frequently). and i think i'm doin it cause i can't stand this pressure of people thinking you can stop in two seconds b/c your parents want you to. it's stupid. but i can't deal with this. anyways, and i think it's cause of all the fighting between my friends and the feeling of having to be the happy medium. it's just weird. and my mom knows something's wrong, she just can't figure out what it is. i mean, i hid this for 6 months, i think i can do it again. i can't decide whether or not i wanna tell my counselor or not, you know? i'm afraid she'll tell my mom. and i wanna tell my mom..... when i'm ready. so idk. i can't decide wat i should do. any suggestions? cause i could really use them. before tomorrow would be nice. cause that's when i see my counselor. bleh

i went to crystal's last night and spent the night. now i'm home and i miss her to death. she had my jacket for a while. and i got it back today, and it smells like crystal. and it makes me sad and it makes me miss her. she's my best friend and i never get to see her. maybe every 2 months. i'm just sick of this. i go over, have a good time, and then i come home and i know i won't see her for a few months and i have to go back to school without her. i don't wanna deal with it. i don't wanna go to school without her. idk. i just don't know what to do. ugh.

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