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 | 6:03 am
fuck
Mad at the world....
well since a young age ive noticed how fucked up this place we call home is. Not just america but this planet in general...
from the time i was 6 and knew my parents were in the drug scene to yesterday getting held at gun point in broad day for my purse. This world is perfectly pointless.i have so much to rant on about how much i hate this place, but not seeing the point to much for i wake the next day and do it all over again. People ask, whats the meaning of life? and honestly my answer to all of them is, there is no meaning, were just here to be here.were here for a certain time period and what ever we do while were here is what ever we do while were here. utterly pointless.
so i am awaken this morning at 7:30 by an early phone call from a dallas police officer. awesome wake up call. the officer is asking me what happened yesterday, thinking to myself, goddamn it ive told two other cops what happened, why do i have to go through it again, was the first two just practice? so i tell him again, " me and a friend were walking through a parking lot at about 3 in the afternoon rite by a bunch of pumpkins, when a white car pulls up near us asking for directions, and being a nice person for about 30 seconds of my life i oblidge and give directions, telling him hes on the wrong side of town and he needed to go 30 min the other direction. he stares at me not saying much and kinda messing around with his pants, where i honestly thought he was gonna fucking jack off in front of us, cuz i have had that happen twice while in middle skool, but to my surpise he pulls out a gun and says give him our purses. now im thinking what the fuck! i tell him that we dont have any money and not a damn thing worth stealing, and he jus says it again and tells us to put it in the back seat. we look at each other and were just both totaly not understanding this whole fucked up situation. my friend says fuck this and i agree and we both walk off. we meet back up and all we can say is what the fuck just happened! we were on our way to have lunch with my mom and we meet up with her and tell her what has happened and she calls the cops." so this third cop this morning, who for some reason thought this 19 year old girl would be awake at 7 fucking 30 in the morning and totally wanting to talk about the whole over again, takes my details and tells me ill probably have to do a line up bullshit thing through the two way fucking mirror, i whatever him and lay back down. as i layed there in bed i thought to myself, this place is fucked.
im thinking fuck this place. fuck this neighborhood, fuck the people that infest it, fuck ths county and the hicks that run it, fuck this state and the bastards that control it, fuck this country and the man that leads it, fuck this planet and all the inhuman rude crude heartless war loving motherfuckers who walk on it. its all gone to shit and has been forever now.if it were up to me and not my drug abusing, non child planning slash expecting parents in the 80s id never have came.
i can honestly say that i can point out more things i hate about this place than things i enjoi. the fact that im surrounded by mindless idiots, girls that have no sense and make me look bad, adults who asume there smarter just because theyve been on this planet longer than me( which in my eyes is worse for they have had more time to rot and and lessen there minds than me here) dogs who bark and wont shut up no matter how much you yell at em, cheerleaders because they put on skirts and yell at us to be happy, un slammable doors, the air we breath cuz its probably the number one cuz of deaths, cars that almost hit you when crossing the street when you have the walk hand and you know damn well where ever there headed isnt all that important,boys that i couldnt have, boys that i could have, broken hearts ( mine and the ones ive broke), shitty bands, crappy music, bums that get mad when your broker than them, assholes that hold you up for nothin,girls that talk shit cuz your prettier, guys that talk shit cuz you pretty in general,your fav band selling out, less than jake on the WB, bands that make music just to make money by making 12 year old kids sad and want to cut them selves, my parents, my friends, my ex's, room mates taking my food, annoying co workers, bosses, cops, sushi, meat, road kill, war, holy wars ( just doesnt make sense, let the holy have the wars),rotten food, not living in cali with the love of my life, feeling useless, waking up, going to sleep,guys that are prettier than me, writters block, my best friend getting pregnant at 18, drugs and alcohol( no matter how much i do em, there still crap),afi on mtv, mxpx on mtv2, carson daily, white people, my dads doug, dirt, trash, snails after it rains, rain, broken skate boards,skaters, nobbed skate spots, rain when you wanna skate, dead watches, away messages, flat soda, broke pencil with no sharpener in sight, cigerate and no lighter, girl scoutts, crap you cant play on, down town dallas, dallas cops, laura miller, hillary duff, star wars, ET, shitty movies, writters block again, not being loved, being overly loved, bright lights when im sleeping, jew of a room mate, guys who cant take no for answer, girls who cant take no for answer, guys who ask me if i want a ride when im walking some where, racist, little kids, blind people, cross guards, teachers who dont wanna teach, kids who dont wanna learn, dirty swimming pools, jocks, football, venis williams, cold weather, texas, america child labor, under paid anyone, bad economy, preps, air force ones, grills, leo, chris, fucked up neighbors, bills, liars, theves, myspace,work, strating my day before my mind wants to, over thinking( kinda what im doin now), euegne, mario, blogs, money, ... ya im sure theres more...
things i do like, kinda the reason i get up in the morning, good movies, mxpx, good music, space balls, my little sister, my big brother,...... um candy, albert and his family of course, my love for albert and his love for me, good days, crayons, johanna, her pet duck carl that ran away,..... hmmm ya thats about it o ya and arcades...
god i hate this place..... | | 2 leave feedback(s) | rate post | report post |  | 1:25 am
this emotion could kill
EMOTION IS MY MUSE
In the coldest of weather, at the peak of my frustration, i feel my tears run down my face... and they burn.... they burn from anger, they burn from weakness.......................................................
I think to myself why do i bother trying to explain to you how you hurt me, when i know in my heart your sitting there in a stare and all your tellling yourself is how much u really dont care.................................................................
I want out! I want out of this stressfull world that eats me whole each day. i want away from these people who care not for the burning tears they bring. i need a way out.... sooner than now | | 1 leave feedback(s) | rate post | report post |  | 10:23 pm
happy?
Have you ever been happy? truely happy? so happy you can actually feel this emotion run through you body? so happy that you find your self staring at the clouds and you swear they look like the waves from the beach we walked hand in hand on? so happy that you can even smell the salt in the water? so happy that it all makes you smile and your thinking to yourself, god i have the biggest smile on my face and people are looking at me like im crazy, but im to damn happy to care? so happy you feel the tears of happiness run down your cheek and its as warm as your kisses on a cold day?
this is one of those moments where you know your happy, and you just want to say, thank you for allowing me to have this memory to make me this happy.
i know what it is to be happy
and im happy because of you | | 1 leave feedback(s) | rate post | report post |  | 11:25 am
i find my self in a constant missing of you. I sit outside and look around wishing and wondering why your not here. so badly wanting you to be a part of my daily life. wanting more than to just tell you how my day was, wanting you to go through it with me. spend the day with me will you.... | | 1 leave feedback(s) | rate post | report post |  | 1:01 am
Life was never intended to be this way,
They never warned us about the emotional shit wed have to go through,
It was only dont do drugs ans sex is bad
But what about when we make love, and its better than any drug
And we put ourselves out there, all guts on the board
And when the drug is to far to have its pains you, and they
Never warned us that ur touch would be so sweet,
You never warned me that ur kiss would be so sweet,
and for this im am forever greatful....
i love you albert
and u are the thought for better days...
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