Aint I cute?!

This is the first picture of myself that I admit to liking in a very long time.

So I decided to share it with the 2 people that ever read my blog.

So pretty much, I'm sitting in my political science seminar, bored to tears. We are watching a film about the Nazi movement.

I cant imagine life getting much more boring than this. At least there's decent music playing. Those germans always did have a good taste in music.

I watch, as the white wisps of vapor roll by.

Parting over the angling wings

of my silver lined craft.

Parting the gap between the layers of cloud

and diving in again.

A rollicking ride, tumbling through the mirth.

Bouncing on the winds, jostling on the way.

Up and away, piercing the blue veil of heaven.

With no shadows to be cast.

Lit by stars, a million twinkling smiles

shining down on me.

A breath foggy warm in the cold air,

before the plunge back to earth.

When flying, a million miles of possibility

and only one thing certain.

Eventually, you have to land.

Have you ever noticed that the worse you feel, the more people want to try and cheer you up? Even when what you really want is.... well you dont know what you really want, whcih just adds tot he confusion.

I'll never get over that feeling of helplessness that I get when I am feeling a little off and dont know why. Growing up, my mother made reference to my "dark days". I assume that means the days when I was pissed at the world and didnt want to have to deal with people. I'm not sure what exactly caused them, but I do remember some of those days.

Tempered a bit with age, now I am relegated to a persistent feeling of ennui. I know that there is something missing in my sick, sad life; but I can never seem to figure out what that might be.

Trial and error has led me to the theory that I am ready for something meaningful to happen to me. I am sick of getting ready to live a life that two decades of have already passed.

I've always said that I wouldnt live to be very old. Not for any reasons within my control, I just always seemed to be cramming as much into my life as I could. Looking back it seems I missed most of the important stuff. So the older I get, the closer I come to finding out just how meaningless my life may turn out to be.

The stupidity of this entire line of thought is that I am only 21 and already feel like there should be more to my life. Could be, who knows.

It is the first day of classes for the Spring 06 semester of my senior year of college.

Big freaking whoop.

I've got too much stuff to do to spend time jib-jabbing right now.

More on this story as it develops.

Do I realize that I posted the same information twice, at nearly the same time, on two consecutive nights? Yes.

Two words: pain killers. 

My right knee joint has learned a new trick. It can bend about 20 degrees in the wrong direction. It may just be the end of my dance and cheerleading careers here at UH Hilo.

When your knee gets folded about 20 degrees in the wrong direction around someone's calf, there is this explosion of pain and a feeling like someone dragging an ice pick through your knee joint.

Add to this the fact that medical care in Hilo is only a bit ahead of using leaches and bloodletting.

I'm done dancing and cheering for at least this semester, likely the year. Hopefully I can get back on the ju jitsu mat before convention in March.

Sitting alone at a table for two, I was served a sald with one of those packets of soda crackers. While the package was made to hold two, it was vacuum sealed around one, solitary cracker. The universe is trying to tell me something.

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