aight, so i think i'm gonna abandon dragid for a bit, i think i'll just use the onestop shop that is myspace.if you wanna read about my shitty little life, then well click here. i finally got my webcomic up and going, so if you wanna check it out then click here.let me know what you think of it.i'm sure i'll prolly end up coming back to this since i've been using dragid for like 2 fucking years. 

i feel better.you have no idea how nice it was to vent all that shit out.so after getting that outta my system and having a pretty good weekend (kinda dull actually, but i did drink till 530am monday morning).of course my alarm didnt wake em up for court so i ended up having to spend all day there.fortunately i didnt get assraped and only got yet another extension (which is pretty sweet actually).and i was asked tonight at work if i was happy with my life.hmmmm......not happy per se, but satisfied i guess.ive been better but ive been worse.work kinda sucks but i like it cuz its different, im hopefully fixing to get my own place, i think ive finally put that stupid whore behind me, and um... i have really good friends (what few i have now).maybe i actually am happy, or at least happy enough.even though some fucker in my apartment complex did steal my cd player faceplate.but yeah.... also i'm trying to start a webcomic, and you can be damn sure i'm going to whore the shit out of it once i get it up and running.aight, i'm tired and need to go home and indulge in some nicotene.

i loved more than my life itself.you were the shining point of said life.you said you loved me more than anything, and you would forever, and i gave you a ring.yet you lied to me and cheated on me and then lied to me again after i found out.you made me feel bad for calling you a whore for cheating on me.you said he was just a friend and that you didnt toss me aside like nothing.then you guilt trip me into still being friends, and have me meet him, and let me know your dating now, and now i read everywhere how much you love him more than anything.do you honestly think i'm that fucking stupid??or that i'm so in love with you that i would roll over and do and believe anything you say to me?you did lie to me, you did cheat on me, you did toss me aside like i was nothing.and yet i still love you, as goddamn much as i fucking hate you i still love you. everyfuckingthing reminds me of you, makes me think of you, about something we did together or something you said or something about you.i'm tired of feeling anything at all for you, i'm tired of thinking about you.you hurt me so fucking badly.i hate you so fucking much.yet i doubt i will ever forget you no matter how much i want to.i wish i could rip out every memory of you, and especially the little part of me that wont let you go.i never want to see you again, i want you out of my life.i will let go.i will forget you, i will move on.fuck you, goodbye.

Quote you are my soul unquote
Now does that sound familar?
You kissed the boy and make him feel this way

Quote well this is me unquote
And You have been so ugly you're entire life
So I changed now

Is this how you wanna go down, right before my eyes
You're the saddest sight i know
You're quiet you never make a sound
But here inside my mind you are the loudest one I know

Quote we never talk unquote
And thats when I don't answer
Don't you dare ask why
Because you don't want to know,

Quote Well whoa is me unquote
How different I've become
And no one understands, my dear, no one really cares

Is this how you wanna go down
Right before my eyes, you are the saddest sight, I know
And you're quiet you never make a sound, but here inside my mind you are the loudest one I know

And you were right, right from the start
It took everything you had, but you finally broke my...

And know the old flames will pass away
I saw your life once
Did you see mine
But not all things will pass away
You turned your light off
So I turned mine, away from your saddness, away from the nothing that you feel for me

Is this how you wanna go down
Right before my eyes, you are the saddest sight, I know
You're so quiet and you never make a sound
But here inside my mind you are the loudest one, I know
And you were right, right from the start, it took everything you had, but you finally broke my ...

Quote, hey listen cause ill only say this once
I finally found the words
That mean enough to me
Good bye my soul, unquote

well, i've been dicked around for a month now and i'm calling it quits.i don't think anyone reading this knows what the hell im talking about but its complicated, but its over.i'm still eating excedrin like skittles.i just went through a week of bullshit training, am fixing to try and get my own apartment. i'm not in any form or fashion with anyone.not even in the slightest.of course there is the little small part that never wants to let go but he can be convinced.all the evidence has now been removed, so the healing process can finish.the asshole i used to be hates the emotional pussy ive become over the last 3 years. bitches were bitches and all i wanted to do was have a good time.and now ive just spent the last month or two (i swear i have the shittiest perception of time now) ive spent being suicidal and wondering why in the fuck my fiance left me for some guy who was 8 years older than her. but now im over it and im tired of bullshit and now i think more clearly and other shit.which is why im not being dicked around anymore by the new person.done with.i just need to focus on surviving and trying to have a good time.aight im out niggas i needs me some sleep.but before i go remove your cocks and rock out!

hi.figured i would update since i have the time at work.im doing stupid ass training shit.i take a dangerous goods class monday.i think somethings wrong with me (well more than usual).and for once i mean physically, im doing pretty good mentally for once, though there are some things bothering me, not much just some new shit and it isnt like im losing any sleep over it.just you know contemplating a couple of decisions ive made recently.kinda has to do with my last post, but its complicated and i dont feel like getting into it.it involves a 4some, a giant bottle of vodka, and a ninja (i think).anyways, onto the physical.a week ago my back completely crapped out on me.its kinda gone away since ive kinda had it easy the last couple of weeks but it still kinda bothers me.plus ive been having migraines out the ass.im pretty much guranteed to have one everynight at work, and occasionaly during the day.now i normally get migraines occasionally but they are normally just semimild headaches, but these are getting kinda intense.i wonder if i have a fucked up blood vessel in my head like mom does.anyways off to work later bitches!

i believe in this, you can be torn down to nothing and bounce back.you can forget what has happened and move on.something better is always just around the corner.....

more when i have the time to elaborate....

"Happiness is a cheeseburger, happiness is a cigarette, happiness is a shot, happiness is a 10 second orgasm.Happiness is fleeting, its there and its gone and we return back to our shitty lives"-dennis leary.

So on friday i met andrew.sarah didnt really talk to me until they were leaving, but i really didnt talk to her much cuz well i kinda didnt know what to say and with him and brandi there i dunno, i just couldnt find anything to say to her, so maybe she felt the same way.i dunno.but hes a nice guy and he seems perfect for her, so im happy for her.even though i can see what she didnt find in me and all of it kinda didnt help out the whole depression thing.but im not gonna go on and on about i feel (as im sure your all waiting for).personally im tired of talking about this shit, im tired of thinking about this shit, im tired of crying, im tired of feeling so goddamn worthless, im tired of trying to drink away the pain,im tired of wanting to put a knife through my wrists or a gun to my head, im tired of trying to find a pattern in my life, im tired of thinking about the rest of the shittyness that has been my life, im tired of remembering everyperson whos ever hurt me, beat me, or made me feel like shit.its time to move on and get the fuck over it so i can at least be somewhat satisfied with this life that ive managed tto through together amidst the chaos that has been it.so i personally want to give a big fuck you to everyone who has ever hurt me, shat on me, made me feel like shit, treated me like shit, used me, and everything else you stupid fuckers have done to me.

hey just figured that maybe i would update since i can kinda get online somewhat regularly now (public library, almost too much of a hassle but i need my internet lol).so i just got another promotion at fedex, im not going to be a dangerous goods agent.more money, easier work the american dream lol.got a couple of new cds last weekend.him's new cd is ok.besides the single it sounds like the rest of it was crapped out to hurry up and get some cash outta the hottopic gothic preteens before they grow up or move on to another fad.from first to lasts new cd is pretty good but i like their older stuff better.evans blue was by far the best cd

out of the bunch, i listened to it all weekend long lol.

the title of this post is something that was said to me almost 2 years ago.it was in here but i deleted all the old posts at one point.i dont know if anyone reading this remembers it, melanie will but i dont know if she even still reads it anymore since ive been inactive for so long.but anyways ive just been thinking about it and about where my life is compared to back then.its better in some regards but i realize i really havent changed much.but i am somewhat happy i guess.i mean i still get upset over what happened, and oddly enough i constantly dream or think about myself dying or killing myself.its actually kinda starting to worry me about how frequently i think about it.but i dunno, ill be alright, i guess, i always end up ok, i just need time i guess.

| Home | Older Blogs >>