+  ...i tear my heart open.. just to feel...  +

yeah so today was a LONG ass day.. well yesterday was? whatever SATURDAY WAS A LONG DAY!! i got up at 7 went ice sk8ting till bout 12. i FELL trying to do an inside mohawk to a backwards inside 3 turn.. yeah it didnt werk.. neways then after sk8ting i stayed at Holy Cross till like 4 cause they had a bizzare thingy.. then i got a call from Chrissy, and ice sk8ting frend.. her frend bailed on her fer a concert n asked if i wanted to go.. .

yeah so i went to the concert.. Funeral for a Friend and Atreyu and Taking Back Sunday.. well i went cause i LOVE Atreyu.. and they fucking kicked assssssss.. then Funeral for a Friend was pretty sweet too! i didnt know anything bout Taking Back Sunday.. so it really didnt matter.

then i got dropped off at Jimmys <3 stayed there for like a half hour an hour? well yeah i missed him all day.. [sigh].. now im waiting fer him to come on.. but if he dont come on soon. then ima just go to sleep

i love you jimmy<33

+  ...i dont deserve you...  +

+  ..im sorry you hate me so..  +

today was an okay day. i dont really know what happened, i cant remember. i went to school came home showered did some stuff. then i got ready and walked to Jimmys house. we waited for Nick, and went to the mall. of course we played CS for a WHILE.. and i got like mad cause nick and jim were like ignoring me.. but it was just their speakers where madd loud. hmm i really didnt eat today and then i started drinking energy drinks and i started shaking and have like a fever and some hot flashes.

well Jimmy, Stef, Matt, Amanda, Jay, and Me went to see national treasure or whatever! well it was a good movie.. i think im gunna get it on DVD!

now im home... THINKIN..

i just wish i could erase from existance. and i probably could! if i just stopped showing up places and doing things, no one would realize no one would notice. hmmm.. im sick of it all - i just dont even know.. i need to talk to DK.. but its hard to get a hold of him.

now on the topic of me and Jimmy.... i love him with all my heart! every time we argue or fight, even the slightest... it hurts so bad. it feels as if my heart is being ripped out and beaten with a wooden bat, sometimes leaving splinters - i hope im not sounding korny. well in the movies he did this thing with my hand.. he was kissing it and rubing it with his hand and against him face.. brushing his beard on it - it made my heart melt.. i started like crying - [sigh] its so scary.. but im ready. OH and his friend, also his x girl, made me nervous. she made a comment bout how every relationship hes in is the same.. the "i love yous" and "we'll b together ferever" and "this is it" and whatever else.. blah blah blah.. idk the words read the comment in his journal.. ODIUM .. idc what people say.. but i hope that he doesnt break my heart.. he has it all and for once i think that my heart is almost a whole.. i couldnt bare it to break again - it would destroy me!

+  ...i dont deserve you... +