12:36 am
Losery
I am a loser, straight off. Yet another scholarship has decided I suck. It was only a five hundred dollar one, but every penny really helps. Fed ex doesn't like me, nor does any other place, and despite how much I'm sure I'd love it, working minimum wage at a grocery store or fast food place with bad hours and even worse co-workers/managers really isn't my idea of fun. I still have two other ones(scholarships) I'm waiting for, they don't come out until sept and november so I guess I get to wait. I really have a hard time believing it, while I was still a senior in highschool I must have applied for twenty of them, and yet not a single one decided I was good enough for their money. It's kind of sad really. I was happy to hear that Jennifer managed to snag one though, basically a full ride to UTD. *shakes head* I guess it's just karma coming back around. They all must realize I'm too rich and forget about my three other siblings who will all also be going to college or vocational school.
My father keeps asking if I'm excited about going to school, and the fact is that I'm just not. It's new stuff to be sure, and I'll be happy to be really busy again, but really I don't care enough. I'm barely home anyway so it's not like it will be any different, I basically live over at Chad's house because his family feeds me where mine doesn't. I'm sure I'll enjoy college, it's more freedom than I'm used to, which ought to be exciting, but it's just another phase of life. I've been expected to go to college since I can remember, and now I'm not even sure of the major I've chosen, even though I'm mapping out the next five years based on it.
On top of my obviously losery inability to be excited about school I think I may have lost my sense of humor or something. I went out with Chad and his friends to watch that godawful movie Snakes on a Plane, and nearly died from not only discomfort but disgust. I didn't find it funny at all, but laughed with Chad so he wouldn't feel too bad about me coming along. Of course then I ruined the night by telling him that I really was uncomfortable the entire movie and made him feel bad, go Jasmine. I just don't find stuff like that really all that funny, I like witty humor and strangely enough ridiculous humor as well. Like monty python or who's line, though even some of the more sexual jokes on who's line gets a little annoying somtimes. It's as if I've forgotten how to be a kid, which isn't true, I just can't do it around people I don't know I suppose. Today I had fun in my off time from chores dancing around the house to the music on my computer so there's still some stupid/goofy left in me.
I beat another level in advanced wars 2 and I'm almost finished with genesis of the new american version of the bible. Jess gave me a niv bible, and I'll have to get on it after I finish this one. I had a hankering to play shadow today, but remembered adam had taken it back. I have also taken back up jogging twice every week in addition to my nightly exercises so I'm getting in shape again, it's not too bad, I'm actually kind of satisfied with my abdomen, at least as much as I will ever be. Other than that not all that much has happened recently. I talked with Jenn, she likes most of her classes and Benton is thinking of moving to Waco. Emma's even more of a handful and Ethan still has the most adorable smile I have ever seen. I never thought a toothless grin could be so cute. Too bad it's spoilt when he spits up on you. Anyway it's time for more bible reading and bed I think.