ABHORRESENCE

the club for people filled with hate and disgust for everyone and everything.

yeah so i made a club - woo hoo.. but thats just suttin i wanted to announce.. ill be making updates later on!

--the abhorrsed

i had such bad cramps n stomach problems and all sorts of messed ups that i had to come home.. soi came home n talked to my baby for a good part of hte day.. idk nothing really happens to me ne moe.. all i do is cry.. and cry - i cudnt tell u wat i ate, cus i cant eat.. its hard to sleep and even HARDER to wake up..  its hard to just to go on right now.

id rather just talk to my baby then write in here.. i love you Jimmy wit all my heart<3

my life now-a-days is pretty much like Romeo and Juliet.. sort of.. my family didnt like jimmy (Odium) cause hes half black then theres other things that made them dislike him..

 its sort of hard to explain this, but to make a long story short.. i am forbidden to see my baby! i thought how could they do that? they can't! well it comes to be, they CAN.. now theres no sneaking around to try and see him and no being with him until they cool down a bit. im sorry im leaving you ppl hanging but - its very complex!

 i love my baby so much, im going crazy without him! i need him so bad. im determined to wait, im gunna try hard and shit - n ya know do all i can in my power n then some.

 to JIMMY:

hey baby, if your reading this, i love you wiht all my heart. this "block in the road" wont break us, its only gunna make us stronger. your my baby, my love, my life, my soul - my world my EVERYTHING! im never leaving you.. all i want is eternity<3 i love you jimmy and i miss you more then anything.. i wish i could just hold you and hug you and be with you! -thats all i want.. us to chill again play video games watchin movies [sigh] SOON baby.. i got a good feelin<3 i LOVE YOU.. i cant say it enough  ..

if my family truly loved me or cared bout me, theyd let me be with him.. cause they would want me to be happy - and that happiness happens only when im with HIM** .. im trying to "ease" the pain and they just dont care.. its kind of sad actually.. my grandma told me to hang myself.. idk fuck that shit.. im out

im not in the mood to write anything.. but yea i love you jimmy with all i gots!

dodge duck dip dive dodge LMAO <33

havnt updated in WHO KNOWs how long.. i havnt really had the heart to or any reason to. [sigh] well im getting better. i was lost in a borken world for a while. i started going downhill in school too but im fixing that ->i AM doing better.

.. in further news, my DADDY.. my aunt is going to Canada next weekend to bail him out.. hopefully they accept all the money she can dish out.. [sigh] i really hope he gets out, cause then i can see him and my family can stop hurtin over this little conflict. being able to see him would do WONDERS for me too.. id probably be -happy- again. im sort of afrai that he MAY NOT get out, in my life there have been many incidences where something i want or someone i love is SOOO close.. that i can almost grab it/them.. and with a blink of an eye - > its taken away.. brought farther away from me *and it just hurts so much more each time - worst then the last* i hope somwthing good happens....

 .. love is a beautiful thing .. Jim n me are doing great!! i love him so much. i NEVER really knew how much until today.. something just happened and it clicked in my head - WOW i love this guy.. like a lot. im missin him teribly right now. every moment im without him i ache.. he means everything to me - he really does - i dont know what id do without him right now.. hes my best friend.. my hubby.. god i love him! hes so great to me! he wants to take me to the movies tomorrow - just the two of us *hes so sweet*

"You're the reason
Why I found a way,
And you're the reason
Why I feel this way
(You're the reason)
And you're the reason
Why I have to say,
i had to let you know
You're my everything"

-- dedicated

AS FOR ME.. im extremly cold.. and i have to make my bed lol.. im really tired - and i have to wake up like at 7 to go teach little children at taft how to ice skate. haha its ok, i enjoy it - SOMETIMES.. no most the time.. well i enjoy when i can freestyle.. haha - well im gunna go - wait for jimmy to come on - love you

NighTy : BUh Byes

--- * DEZ *

RED SOX WON!!!! HAHAHA THATS RIGHT! RED SOX WOOT WOOT!

hey there! i havnt realy updated you guys on wats been going on. well ive been spending time with my mom .. shes gettin a LOT better - but still it will NVR be the same. [sigh] but its better then her staying the same. i havnt talked to my dad i miss him a lot. but i guess i can take seeing him on vacations.. on the flip side.. me n jimmy = greatness! im so happy with him. i love him, i love being with him, i am SO IN LOVE with him. its tough though, ya kno. not being able to show my love fer him, express it. i want everyone to know, but it just cant happen. my family doesnt accept, they WONT accept that hes half black. its fucking stupid! so i wait till i can be alone with him.. i wait till we can be alone together, when i dont have to worry about anything cause itll be just me and him. [sigh] its realy scary how much i love him i never thought it could be like this, i never thought i could be happy again. hmm i wish he was here with me NOW.. i just want to lay with him, love him, kiss him n hug him, fall asleep in his arms. urgh i need him here. i miss him so!

in other news.. im stressed - cleaning my room iz a HUGE JOB lol and homewerk n school n jimmy n im not handling it.. i cant balance everything - grrr.. nuckin futs... well yeah im gunna go i need sleep, i miss you Jimmy - love you<33

*deZ* --sometimez

"its wise fer me to think bout the past and to learn from my past. but its not wise fer me to be IN THE PAST. fer that iz how i lose my self. its also wise to think bout the future n to prepare fer it. but it iznt wise fer me to be IN THE FUTURE. that too iz how i lose my self. when i lose myself, i lose what is most precious to me"

"when i feel guilty over my imperfect past, er i am anxious over my uncertain future, i do not live in the present. then i experience pain, i make myself ill, and i become unhappy."

hmmm this kinda made some sense i read it somewhere and thought i should share.. a lot of it makes sense to me. hmm well thats all fer now im gunna write a blog to update the past couple days SOON

*deZ* --sometimez

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