No, I’m gonna say what comes to mind. I don’t know him well enough to say that we are in a relationship. He damn near knows everything about me, but I barely know anything about him. I know his favorite colors, T.V. show and music. But I don’t know him, like what things he likes to do, or where he likes to go. Its like he doesn’t do anything he wants to do. Or he won’t tell me. I don’t know.

All my life I felt or thought, why would anyone wanna be with me? For what reason(s) do guys even consider me. I haven’t met a guy who hasn’t said that I have awesome body or that I’m beautiful. I’m tired of hearing that so often. So I get the implication that all he really interested in is me physically. Sure he asks questions to get to know what kind of person I am. But why do they many of them seem sexually based? I know he’s curious but more of the questions are like that than…… I don’t know. I just know don’t want a relationship like that again. Maybe it’s my fault, I probably, like the idiot I am, gave out the wrong signals ( which by the way I don’t understand). I almost positive I did somewhere. But that’s not what I want. I don’t want a relationship where it seems that he always wants to kiss me. I mean, I LUV FLOWERS AND HUGS, but no one knows that cause…………cause I just started to open up. Which, I should have done a long time ago. But if I did it, people would think something is wrong with me.

Besides that, see, he and I both just got out of bad relationships. His was way longer than mine, so I think its way too soon for a relationship. Its only been a month, and I’m almost positive he’s not or hasn’t received closure yet. Me, whole other story. I’m obviously not over what happened, even though I act like I am. Geez, most of the time, I’m stuck in my own head, thinking about what I’m doing. I’m too weak to tell him face to face, but I’m not ………….. we’re not ready for a relationship. Its obvious, with some of the things he’s ready to do for me, its way to fast, we haven’t even been on a real date yet. But he’s so ready to say and do all these things. It just seems really fast. I don’t really know what else to say. I don’t remember lying to him, and if I did, I’m sorry. He didn’t do anything wrong. Hell I don’t know what to do now.

       You know, I hate dealing with my ex-boyfriend sometimes. He can be really difficult. We had this deal that we would still hangout together but we weren't dating. HE was the one that wanted this. Well, we hangout from time to time. He starts getting upset I guess because im not giving him the attention he wants. So in an aim conversation, he basically says he doesn't know what he wants from me or our relationship. I basically said ok, fine I don't care. I thought we just were friends; cause HE DIDN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP. More like he didn't want to commit to anyone. He really just wants or wanted a fuck buddy. Which is fine with me. But we didn't do anything that often, or at all even. I have a life other than him, meaning i was busy. And I think that made him upset. See here's the thing about me. If im not ur girl friend, im not gonna be around u 24/7. I think he was mad because I basically.......... I went on with my life; hung out with other people and less with him. I just don't know what the hell he was expecting. Did he think that I would just stick around him ALL OF THE TIME? What the hell does he think this is?
        So, we have huge argument over aim. Let me back up, the whole argument start cause just days before I said he was only interested in sex. So he finally aims me after like 2 days, saying he thought about what I said and found I was wrong. This is where it all began. Cause I said to him ‘fine im wrong I don’t care.’ So he drops that, but I know he’s irritated because I’m having such a laid back attitude at this point. Then, he was like I don't want commitment or a steady relationship. I said 'Ok'. Then he asks, 'what do u want from me?' I said, 'I want nothing from u.' I then thought, ‘I don't need u, I may want u but obviously I can't have u.' This made him furious, he was like, 'fine go on with ur life. I hope u have a good time' or something like that. And I said, 'ok I will.' This caused him to put a childish away message saying fuck u. I didn't care, he was acting like a women, well that's how it seemed to me anyway. I basically have moved on.
     This argument happened 2 days ago. So yesterday, one of the guys in his apartment tells me he seemed depressed and told them that we just gotten into an argument. I said ok what do u want me to do about it? And he just laugh, it turns out lots people have noticed that he has a huge ego. My apartment mate pointed it out to me some time ago. Anyway, I think I hurt his ego a bit. But I guess it was about time. Anyway that’s all for now. Im almost positive that more will happen.

Hasta^^

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