Been giving life a lot of thougt lately... and it's time for a clean slate...

This is the last post I'll be making here. Thank you to all the people who actually gave feedback on things i said...

Life has nothing left for me. People who were my freinds have no time for me, or they don't care to make time. People i cared for don't notice it, or they don't give a damn. And I've lost all belief that I'm worth somethign because of it. so it's time to start over...

hopefully, this job search in Tampa will pan out, and I'll have a new job and a new place to live in a new city with new people.

To the people who cared, even if it was just for a while... thank you. i won't say this isn't goodbye... because it is. I've got a lot of nice memories to keep... but that's all they are now... memories.

to all the people I knew as friends and cared for... i hope you find happiness. or maybe it will find you... either way, it was fun while it lasted.

Good bye.

::Warning Rant ahead::

Tired of being alone. Tired of friends making me feel like they have to put up with me. Tired of reaching out at nothing. Tired of people saying "We like you" when they really only Tolerate me.

people give you their phone number, tel lyou to call them sometime, cause they wanna hang out. So you call... and they're busy with dying thir hair... call a few days later, they're going out with friends, and they don't ask if you wanna go with. call a week after that and they've got a family dinner... siometimes they don't even pick up and don't return the call from the message you left.

Or like the friends who hold the phone to their ear while you're tying to talk tot hem while they're doign something else like talking to their other friends.

i've been reaching out to people for a long time... and every time i get nothing back. i like my friends, but i want someone more. someone who's willing and interested in sharing times with me. Someone who wants to be there when i'm feeling liek i am today. someone who worries. someone who cares. someone who wants me around because i'm me. noe because they can get somethign from me, or because i can do things for them. but someone who's honestly interested in me as i am.

sometimes, it's amazing how some people can be blindsided. it took her until yesterday to get him his half of the divorce papers, mainly due to him being out of town, twice, and other sundry obstacles. But honestly, he never saw it coming. she avoided hs phone calls, avoided him, and was generally mean and stuff with him. and yet he still thought they were "good"...

most of me is happy that things are goign to be over between them. Not because I like her a lot, but because even people who just saw them together were surprised they were married. There was no really visible compatibility there, and i knew from hearing her side, and seeing phone records and hearing the odd message or two that he was WAY too clingy... if you hold somethign in your hand that tightly, it's goign to squeeze thru yer fingers.

On the other hand, a small part of me feels bad for him because i used to love someone that way a long time back. Learned my Lesson the hard way, just like i'd think he is. but sometimes that's the best way.

Guess a little history lesson woudl be good to bring everyone in on the story of tonight.

Back around the end of Feb. my family all went down to Disney World for a Reunion. now, I dun get along much with my Family, so I kinda did my own thing most of the time. This lead to a self-funded trip to Downtown disney to see what sort of nightlife they had there. Turned out to be pretty fun. One of the clubs they had was "the Adventurer's Club. and it was done up liek one of those old English Gentleman's clubs, with all sorts of safari artifacts and such hanging all over the place. The staff there were all in costume, and they'd tell tales about the stuff at certain times, like a show of sorts.

Anyway, I was sitting at the bar, drinking some water (didn't feel like getting drunk at that point), and just minding myself. Next thing I know, girl my age sits down next to me (the average age in the club was about 30+) and when the barkeep asked her what she wanted she looked at me and did that whole, "i'll have what he's having" Line... I was a bit quirked at that and explained it was water. Anyway, Long story short; We laughed, had a good time, met up twice more after that and then went our seperate ways.

turns out... She's got an aunt that lives near me, and we went out and i got to show her around town some. Life was good, even tho work sucked. she goes back home tomorrow morning, so it's not like we're gonna be seriously dating or anything. Besides, i've already got my sights set on someone else... ^_^ But that's still a secret...

But, in happy news, I beat Kingdom Hearts 2. No, i won't say anything about then end, except that as with KH1, it gave me the warm fuzzies. ^_~

As is, i'm starting a new game on "Proud mode" which is more or less the "you like getting yer arse kicked" mode. ^_^; Should be fun to try for the full-completion goal there.

But, it's back to work tomorrow, even tho i'm still not completely better, can't afford to miss another day.

Yes, anyone who follows new Game releases knows that Kingdom Hearts 2 came out this Wednesday past. As such, i've been fiending on that for the past few days. (thusly the lack of posts.) Having a GREAT new Game to work on has improved my mood greatly.

Now my only problem is having people to talk to about it. >_>;

Suffice to say, The funniest thing is that my friend got teh Limited edition guide, with the special cover. teh cover comes in Red, Blue, Yellow, or White. She got the yellow one and doesn't like it. She wants the white one. I got the white cover. ^_~

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