9:23 pm

School: Panche Project

To Thee Whom I Owe My Life...

to thee whom I love
more than my sowrd
the one who gets me through
what I ought not to
to thee whom I own my life

to thee whom waits
to thee who holds
me in their thoughts
 the one who believes
I shall return.
to thee whom has my heart

to thee whom knows
I would have stayed
the one who undertrands
where another loyalty lays
to thee whom I owe my life

to thee whom I love
with pen in hand
the one which thoughts of
brings teas of joy
to thee whom has my heart
~ // ~
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8:37 pm

Short Inspiration : Engy.Slave

Engy's eyes blazed as she leaned into the microphone, the crowd on the other side of the security line seemed to pulsate toward her.  The adrenaline was crazy, so much so that she had to pull her self back from the edge of the stage early.  The guitarist noted this and added his own part- the part that wasn't supposed to be released until the CD.  Engy smiled at the sounds of the crowd, the bass beating against her ear drums, the incredible sound that pulling a wedge of plastic over metal chords made.  She wiped her sweat ridden forehead off with her wristband.  Her eyeliner, she knew, was pooling under her eyes.  She jumped slightly at the shrill, ringing chord of the guitarist's solo.

 

Engy awoke suddenly, the ringing from her dream still in her ears.  With a groan, she put a hand to her head, reaching with the other to turn off her alarm.  The silence was a welcomed phenomenon.  She pulled herself out of bed- or rather, out of the nest of blankets on the floor in which she slept.  Cracking her neck and back, she walked to her makeshift kitchen- a low table with a toaster, hot plate and microwave on it, and a small fridge under it –to make breakfast.  As she slid a piece of bread into her toaster, she pulled a pair of two-sizes-too-big pants over the green boxers she had worn to bed.  She had found them at a secondhand store a few years ago; they weren't so big on her then. 

Her toast shot up right as she pulled a worn tank top over her head.  Not bothering to look for the butter she knew she didn't have, she put a corner of the toast into her mouth and proceeded to pulling her death-by-dying hair a clip, leaving her bangs to frame her face as they pleased.  Whilst nibbling on the toast, she padded across the room and flopped down on a thoroughly broken down sofa.  The toast still barely missing its corner, she pulled on her socks and worn-in-all-the-right-places Converse. 

A honk alerted her to the time.  After a rush job on her eyeliner, she flew out the door. She barely remembered to grab her black and green checkered backpack on the way out.  An old, beat up, white truck waited for her on the driveway.  She smiled as she slid into the passenger seat; Shannon and Jordyn were playing cards on the floor of the cramped 'back seat'.  "What took you so long?" teased the dark haired driver.

"It really wasn’t that long, Van..." Engy's voice as she responded was flat and serious, though her expression was the exact opposite.  Van leaned over and kissed her as he started the truck up again.  Jordyn looked up from her cards just in time to catch this-

"Get a room, you two." She pulled two cards out of her hand, "We at tens, right?" Shannon nodded, watching Engy- who could see Jordyn's cards clearly. "I got two."

"Bullshit." Shannon grinned. Jordyn cursed as she picked up the pile.

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11:13 pm

Self Expression : This Feeling.

I dislike this feeling. I wish it would just go away.. like I'm going to upheave my innards. Like someone punched me- hard in the stomach. I suppose you could say someone did. Metaphorically, of course. To be told you don't feel the way you know you feel about someone. Yeah, that hurts. That's a slap in the face, isn't it? To have felt this way for a least a year- and to be told you're too "shelthered" to know your own feelings.
 I won't stop.. feeling how I feel. No matter what. I can't stop it.. I've tried, believe me. Even if.. I had made that promise so long ago. I'd still be around. He can't get rid of me... I'm an annoying little fuck, I know that.. It's not as though I deny that. I just try to suppress it. Which, apparently.. makes it worse. Yeah, stuff he tells me hurts. Only because I feel so strongly.. I guess I should slap myself for being jealous... He has all the right to be so about me.
I guess.. dwelling on all this won't help me. I know.. writting this out surely will. I.. hate writting all this where people can see it. I wouldn't be.. if I hadn't lost my lighter. Not like anyone looks at this anyway. I just.. need to be loved. He's the first person to ever... love me. Well, I thought he did..
I... still think he did.

{edit : 11.17.06} Looking back at this entry..
I have to laugh. I pretty much fail.
XD This entry is silly! -points-
 ... Carry on. :B
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11:53 pm

Short Expression: Something I Held.

You ever feel you've just ruined something you've held dearly for over a year..?  Ever feel like it's all falling apart around you?  You reveal who you are and it all crumbles. You change, and nothing is like it should be.  Everything falls down from the wind, from the water.  I feel as though that great weight I had without them has returned.  Nothing is how it should be.  Why is it gone? Do you ever just want to go back and take everything you did to change it all away?  Make it so everything would stay the same.  To correct what it seems are all mistakes...

~ // ~

 

~Written by Hatake Koga~

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8:41 pm

Free Flow: My Train of Thought

What is it that makes me write?  What is it that flows through my body and out of my fingertips?  What makes the poetic lines fall from my lips at random moments?  Is it what I was meant to do?  Is it just something to help me find what I should turely be doing with my life?  I am here, on this planet.  That, I know.  The question remains; Why?  Was I put her for a purpose?  Am I suppose to accomplish something and then die?  What is death?  Does it lead to another exsistense, or to some unknown world?  I feel insane.  Will they come for me?  Am I normal?  Is anything in world normal?  Are we all some unexplained experiment?  Are there people out there that know this, but are not willing to share?  Will we all kill ourselves in the end?  Is there a point to life?  Will it all make sense in the end?  When we see that "light" and all is gone; will it make sense then?  People whom we dub "insane," "lunatic," "crazy," do they really know the truth?  We all know the truth, we just have to find it.  What is it about humans, that make them question what they know?  Why are we here?  Why do these so called "thoughts" enter my head?  Will they lock me in a room and tell me it's all in my head?
~ // ~

~Written by Hatake Koga~
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