theres a good reason why im not here tonite... theres a good reason why i dont put up a fight... theres a good reason why i cant sing your song right... these tears are happy now, dont hold me back... (i'll plow into your soul.) we question you... (you and your intentions...) question why you compare me in your dreams. the fact that my heart was ripped and fixed... and the torn at (torn at) the healing seams. this sound of this silence is so undefined... the visons you wrote were so rich unflawed and fine. this is what i see... (what i saw.) you buckling at the knees, giving up what you might have thought. what you wanted... (what you had.) what you made of... (how i stand.) i loved how you (i loved you), made all what you knew was right, go and fight to be like you... (so wrong,) (not right.) You need no one, (I've always known this.) You need only One, (you know,) (who He is.) He knows why you cry inside... (you've always show me strong.) He wants to hold you by his side... (you cry... inside) Analyze my person, through the penetrating quiet of our minds. Make this treason, turn to our glorifying song, (with pride...) (Let loose...) make well... (go pure...) just let it swell. You seem to never understand... you do this-like no one can... (so white...) so clean... (so pure...) just leave. Open eyes to let it through... (make it yours so you can do,) what you were made to. (what you-can now prove.) Closed down rights to stop you... (make them care...) so light... (so careless...) my sight... your fairness. (your fairness.) Set these ties to make it to, what you want and let them choose... (let them choose) you're right, (they know this...) (your eyes,) they show this. -breakdown- let die, no regrets, hope you... can hold this. i will always be your friend... we can (we will) make it to an end. just bide, your time... i'll be there. don't fight... the signs... i'l be here.

not last friday but the one sfter that.... this is how it went...

my haert stop as a door opened... eye deep, blood rushing, sweat drippin... silence.... lips touch, hopes high, scared... cold commited rings slipped on once again... breath held... fast paste of our hearts beating... the question i have been waiting to hear... brought tears to my eyes as everything poured out i was with him... my joey... he held me in his arms as i did him... i cried... like i am now... hope happyness & LOVE everything i have been wait for back to me... i love him... he broke it before... but now... he put the peices back together...

ya... i'm back with the one i can count on to call me at night to ask how i'm doing and good morning and night... he's the first and the last and the only... for me... i live to love him... i know corny but it's true it's nice to feel like that being missed and thought of often... by someone because ur thing of them... it's nice to come home to that... i think our new song should be from hellogoodbye:here in your arms... you should really check it out... the music video is really a hannah and joey moment...lol...but i'm the guy in it...lol... cuz... i'm a dork and a loser... and him... he's funny and smart and always right no matter what... and his body is outta this world... but the way he looks at me and when where alone it's the only time where i feel like nothing is around me but him... and it's about me ... he cares... most people i talk to i say hey how are you... but they never ask me... but joey... he's... i donno he's there someone for me.... i wish he would call me more... but i understand that he has a life but i'm apart of it and i want to know the details of everything that happens in his day... but it's ok cuz i know he really doesn't like that he's been kinda pissy cuz his dad gets pissy and like hounds joey about anything and everything... but he does it everyday... i would be pissy to cuz it gets old...

today ...well this morning joey called me!!! =] if it wasn't for him i would of got yelled at and walked to school and it's allways cold in the morning over here ... he called to wake me up i thought it was really sweet of him... hee-hee

when i just done writting i'll call him...

also today there was this play on relationships today it was really intristing... it was on abause like her boifriend killed her...i'll tell the stoy later but...  i g2g i wanna call JOEY**** hee-hee

wow... well today was my first day to school for the week... cause i went to my grandma's funeral... it was my first time to cry at one...

i went to skool saw my stalker... thor is telling everyone that we go out... and told lil joey that... he did sumthin i know he didn't because i still love joey... yes i know it contenues...uhg?

when i was in spokane my mom was there and i was like this close to get over him...even tho i brought his bunny with me...mr.hony bun.... yes i named it... lol... i'm a loser...but one one cares... so anyways... he called...he asked if he could still come over...

am i just like a phase for him... if he wants me... he would be here for me...  with me...

but he's not... it's been weeks now that when he first told me he would come over on the first... he made it to the school and left...

the dance is this friday... no one asked then i don't go... and me and melissa now that she's single... we will.... i donno do sumthin...

i'm gonna waer a skirt...

...i still miss him... i know he doesn't...

cuz... i'm the one crying at night...

thinking of him... how he kissed me and he said i love you... how i was the one and only...

here i go again... i'll just stop here...

i hate this...

siting in class... i just wanted to start crying...

bothing is ok fine or good everything is so messed up...

i got into an argument with joey...last night and today i thought i saw him @ luch so i checked my phone to see if he would text me... and i didn't want to call him cuz... like what if it wasn't him...

but i texted him when i got home a waited cuz i was busy looking tru photo books to pick out pics for my grandma's funeral....

and i saw a bunch of my mom's stuff and like almost every pic from her high school said "i hope you and joey the best!"

and i was like so... who is this joey my mom went out with like a long time ago  and... i asked her who's this as i was pointing to a pic she said.."joey...my joey"

i donno why or what happened... but it was kinda sad..

and i hope that i'm not like that when get older...

but n-e ways... like latly everything has been really crazy... i just want to be held... and know everything will be fine like... i missed being loved like have that one person in my life who i know will never hurt me and will always be there for me... i just want someone there for me... i wanna feel loved...

but at this rate...

gettin beat... yelled... deaths... and deep depression...

i really hate it... everything is falling apart... i just want everything back to the way it was...

i loved joey scince 6th grade when i saw him in class... before his clothes... guitar... before anything thing that he is now.. it sucks that i know he can get any girl he wants... no matter what... because of his looks... his smile his eyes... the way he walks... everything... and me... i'm nothing...

i'm scard... that someone eles will see why i love him and take him and i'll be just on the waiting list and the back up girl...

i really love him.. i'm confussed...

he told me that he want to say something to me...but in person... he never came he told me to put on his rings... and... i don't know... i put them on... but there off now...

at this rate... the more that he waits for whatever... the wrose i'll get... into stuff i shouldn't i don't know whats stopping him... is it the fact that he knows his what he looks like and that girls in pyallup are way hotter bigger boobs... no weird colors in their hair... no gages... skinny... everything i'm not... but i'm real and i know what the hell i want it's just what i want doesn't want me... joey...

i can't just wake-up and think of him... or go to sleep with w/his name in my head... i can just sit here and cry... and cut... drink or w/e i do...

he knows i want him but... whats stoping him??? i can't just wait her all my life waiting and miss everything out there...

i wish it would be more clear...

thats all i do is think of him and wonder if his thinking of me... but he made that clear that he doen't because i called him and asked then he said... " doesn't work that way... i have to go"

that like killed me... but i'll just keep tryin and look happy while everything in the inside is gone and cut up with heart break blood... shape things ... emty bottles... it like this feeling that inside everything is calapsing down and shuting off and deathis close...

i wish i was better... but it's hard knowing everyday i'm thinking of him... and that no one is there for me like he was...

i miss him... but... hopefully i'll get thru it...

today was the first day of school...

it was all good i saw all my friends and... teachers

is was good....

untill everyone just had to shove joey in my face... i saw joey w/ponce... r u and joey still together???   what happen??? i heard about joey...   i saw YOUR joey... all day it was like... so u and joey this.. joey joey joey joey joey joey joey joey....

then when i was walkin to church w/ nate and thor my mom called and said ..."your gandma just died" i sat there in the middle of the street and cried....

then i just got done talkin joey... it didn't go so well...

now... i feel worst... ya...

i hate this!!!!

i want everthing back to where it was ... i would do anything...

i miss my grandma alot....

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