I was told that just typesing would help get my feelings out....so i trying this. although i don't really know where to start. I guessthe truth is that i am in love w/ Ariel. she is such a kindred spirit that at times i can finish her sentances, and she mine.  I've litterally been able to sense when she was coming, my eyes were closed and i was practicing some meditation tech's, i felt a twinge or somethings, so i looked over my shoulder to the right and there she was.  it's gotten to the point of freaking us both out...then the whole thing w/ ex-gf, I do still love her, i know i do, it's just that i love her as a friend or a little sister even, not as a girlfriend.  With Ariel, she has already told me that she only likes me as a friend, and that there is physically no chace for us to go out.  I've never really thought of it, but it truely hurts to love someone w/ all your being.  I thought that after the whole thing w/ Adrianne so long ago, I would learn to controll my emotions or at least keep them in check.. and i guess for a long time i did, but as soon as someone got inside that shell they are entirely capable of inadvertantly tearing me up inside...I think that may have happened, yet again.

I guess thats all i need to let out for now, untill next time all of you whom now know more of me then you should.

After what I did last night, I had to talk to my friend... And appologize for lying to her the night before... As soon as she found out the truth she was livid... now she will barely talk to me....

::sigh:: figures

Ok, well i feel like a steaming pile of shit right now...  I broke up w/ my girlfriend litterally 20 minutes ago. The look on her face just destroyed me... I've done everything I could to make sure that she's ok, i talked to her best friend, I'm having her take care of her, I sent Nick and his girlfriend down the ally to look for her and make sure she's ok....and I have 4 other people at LanStorm to keep an eye on her for me. Believe it or not, I do still care about her, just not in the way I used to. Whats even worse is that we just gave each other their X-mas presents.  Thankfully i was wise enough to not give her the knife i got her.  Only when she's calmed down.  So now comes the healing process. I hope that eventually she finds someone whom cares about her as much as i once did..... and that they will be happy together for a long time.

untill then, all I can do is hope that she will be ok...

I'm actually updating! At Random I decided to do this....again. 

neways, as i've said before Shanti and I are almost twins, well....I've found us a triplet! lol...

Meow...

Ya.....so now i need to do something i dread...I'll explain later..

bye for now

Ok.... This is, ,once again, about Kristen. She dumped Ryan (again), apologized to me (again), went out w/ some guy named Zack, dumped Zack after 5 days, and is now talking to Jay and I...at about midnight....frequently...

but...sleep is....good...
 

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